Summer is tough for me—not in the same it was when I was a Stay At Home Mom. Instead of going stir crazy at home with my kids, wondering what they’re doing, how can I arrange for them to have more fun during the summer, and always, always—have I made choices that are shortchanging my kids?
I’m never with them during the weekdays anymore, so I have to ask other people to watch them (which doesn’t always equal fun). I feel guilty for asking other people to take them places, do things with them. When I’m not at the Day Job, I’m trying to write, which is also not fun for them. Though sometimes I take them to things and write while they’re occupied. I try to say “yes” to weekend activities, then feel guilty when I get zero writing done.
Motherhood isn’t just tough, it’s a tug of war.
I never thought I’d resent having to leave someone else with my children every day—I also never understood the guilt that accompanies having no choice but to do that.
What do I give up? Where do I cut back? What does that mean in terms of my writing career? I’m already slow to release my books because of my other obligations.
No one said parenting would be easy. It’s the hardest, most emotional investment I’ve ever made. In the end, the question of whether I’ve made the best choices can’t be answered. Maybe after they’re grown and gone and its too late for me to change anything. But as a counselor friend of mine once said, “The fact that you question yourself makes you a good mother. Some mothers never do.”
What’s the biggest thing you question as a mom?